I don't know about the rest of you, but i'm so tired of people that think they're better than the rest of us. Yesterday, a 10 year old sweet little girl mistakenly posted that she was happy and laughing all the time on my page instead of her own and I was attacked by two people who have no right whatsoever to do so.
First would be my uncle, David Richards of Manchester, NH. You go, you're sober now, but you spent the better part of your life doing more drugs than I can name and drank every day. but we should all forget the time you spent a drunk degenerate, pissing in your sock drawer. I don't have a single memory of you before the age of 25 that you were anything but drunk. But yeah, i know... i'm sooo much worse than you ever were and you have the right to judge me...
Second would be my cousin Kari Hampson of Hooksett, NH. Have a little vino why don't we? Let's just hop right on the pretentiousness highway. Wasn't that long ago you were having issues with Benzodiazapine... and weren't you told by the family that you could spend time in rehab or loose your kids? Not once when you called me were you doing anything but sitting in your basement drinking and popping mommy's helper.
No, I'm not perfect. I am an addict and because of my choices, I have lost my children for the present. I am in treatment for my addiction and I've been clean for over a month now. I'm also signed up to start attending parenting classes for when I go to get them back. My eldest daughter is understandably upset with me. I know i at least have the love of my youngest who's face lights with excitement every time i see her.
I have made many mistakes in my life. So many I can't even begin to list them all here. My only regret is the hurt I have caused in my childrens lives. Hurt that I plan to spend the rest of my life making up for. My depression and my unwillingness to deal with my problems like a big girl instead of medicating my way through the hard times have spilled over onto my children and if I am ever lucky enough to earn they're forgiveness I will be forever greatful.
Through the mistakes I have learned one major lesson. Life is too short. You take for granted the good that you have until you wake up one day and find it all gone. I have lost my whole family due to the physical and medical problems that I have. And although my father is very sick and doesn't deserve to be bashed on facebook by people like the two mentioned above, I DID NOT WILLINGLY LEAVE MY CHILDREN and i am not staying away from my eldest by choice. I've been told by my mother that it would be better for her if i were to step back for now. I have forgiven my father for the wrong done in my past, and if being compared to him means I am even a tenth of the amazingly compassionate and loving person that he is, then I am honored.
Thank you for reading all the way through this novel... :)
Bre McGowan
