A Little Religion...

I have no faith
I have nothing here inside
I have nothing guiding my steps or
Working behind the scene's to fix
All that I worked so hard to
Fuck up in the first place.

Somedays, I sit here and ask myself
How is it that you are right in your belief
And I am so wrong?
If you are the poster child
For Christianity today,
Count me out.

For someone that is so in touch with the Lord,
You single handedly destroyed any faith I had in me.
With your overzealous criticizm's in the name of
Yet another broken soul.

I will never understand you.
You never wanted me to be a part of his life
For me...You've killed not one father...
But two.

Just Another Crazy Bitch

Yeah, that's me alright....
Just another crazy bitch
Trying to shovel her way
Out of yet another hole
I dug myself.

Just a crazy fucking bitch.
Someone who fights
For all the wrong reasons
Unable, unwilling to find a
Cause.

Just another crazy moment.
Feels like I'm on fire.
Some of the things I've been
Told lately...

I'm not the type of girl a guy
Wants to bring home to his momma...
I'm the type you fuck and forget.
Just another crazy bitch.
That's me.

Just another crazy bitch
Whatta self esteem booster...

Hiding

When I was a little girl
I used to hide in closets.
Looking for treasures
I had yet to discover.

Years later, I feel like
I live inside of one.
One that I made
Just for me
While trying desperately
To find the me I lost
Along the way here...

When I was young
I believed with all my heart
I'd be rescued by my prince
A man who'd love only me
One who wanted only
My happiness.

Today I know that
All of my dreams were
Lies.
Stories I told myself to
Keep my guts from
Pouring out of me.
To keep me from learning
The truth about love.
That those you give yourself to
Love you too much, but not enough...

When I was a little girl,
When I was still innocent...
Was I ever innocent?

All the drugs, all the men, all the "love"
That this world has to offer means
Absolutely nothing to me anymore.
Because I feel like I'm just
Hiding... here in my closet.
So lost in yesterdays and could have beens
That I can't find my way back out.

And there's no one looking for me...
Not anymore.

Unfinished

I'm not whole.
Not who I thought I was.
I feel like I've been ripped apart
Chewed up and spit out and
Left stuck to the bottom of your boot.
Right where you always wanted me.

I'm dead inside.
I care only for my loved ones.
But even they know.
I'm not really in here.
Inside this shell.
Inside this hell.

I'm wondering...
Will I be able to put the
Pieces back together?
In time to
Save myself?

Cuz no one will do it for me.
No one wants to be a part of me...
I'm done with the begging..
I'm done with the pleading.
I'm done revealing just how
Broken I am inside.
It still feels like there's
Something unfinished.
A apart of all this that
Isn't done.
But I am...